Help For Problems In Marriage A Bold Promise: By the time you finish this article, you'll have all you need to save your marriage and regain the relationship. Only in the event of abuse or adultery is divorce a solution, though divorce may not be needed even then. How dare I make such a bold and sweeping claim? Let's see!
Marriage Problems: "We always fight, we don't agree, If only (he/she) would (your complaint here), we're not compatible, we married too young, my spouse is too (your whine here). Without exception, in each couple that's asked me for marital counsel, I've found both husband and wife to have the same problem. The problem is..."me first." Think about how you described them before the wedding to your family and friends, "person of my dreams...one I've always wanted...meet my every need." After about a year of marriage it dawns on us that our spouse has wants and needs they expect us to fulfill, too. When we discover these two sets of expectations don't match, the battle begins...who will be first? The answer is, all too often, neither...they divorce. This is the "divorce cycle. People go through the divorce cycle many times, adding children, making true relationship more difficult. But, not impossible... there's hope. Here are some top-selling books to help in saving a marriage.
Symptoms Of Marriage Problems: Marriage problems can have many symptoms. It could be as seemingly unrelated and simple as dishes not done or lawn not mowed, resulting from a feeling of not being appreciated. It could show up in serious mis-behavior like flirting with others or enlisting the kids in disputes. Perhaps the most serious symptoms of relationship problems are unwillingness to solve money problems or unwillingness to share intimacy. Whatever the symptoms, there is hope if you're willing to work at it.
Causes Of Marriage Problems: When I try to teach a couple before their wedding about the challenges they'll have afterwards, they smile and nod and don't believe a word I say. They're in romantic denial. I know you've never done that, ahem, but maybe you've seen a friend do it. We're unable to see the fine print of our wedding vows (better/worse, sickness/health, rich/poor). We wake up one day married to a jerk, not realizing the jerk we woke up next to, woke up next to a jerk, too. An imperfect person is perfect for me because I'm imperfect. We're all born with needs that no human can satisfy. To expect our spouse to be the completion of us is a recipe for failure. As long as our focus remains on our spouse, their failures and shortcomings, we cannot grow, individually or together. Please, don't take this to mean that your spouse doesn't need to change and you're the cause of your problems. They need to read this, too. It's just that you can't change them, and, the more you try, the worse it's going to get. The only person you can change is you, even that takes help. Ask yourself this question, "If my mate remains as they are, am I willing to change to improve things for both of us?" If your answer is yes, you may continue.
Marriage Problems Solutions: Some good marriage advice was written around 2,000 years ago. "Remove the log from your eye before trying to remove the splinter from someone else's." "Treat others how you want to be treated." "Consider the needs of others more important than your own." I found a lot of BS on the Internet about marriage relationships, but the good stuff all revolved around these ancient principles. Ancient writings (about 3,500 years ago) state the definition and purpose of marriage as two becoming one for help, companionship and procreation. If two people are to become one, some parts have to come off.
The problems we experience are opportunities for us to identify what parts we need to lose. You must be willing to sacrifice, to endure the pain and suffering of losing some of your old parts (selfishness, insecurity, etc.) and learning to use new parts (gratitude, appreciation, patience, etc.). Once you're hearing your mate you can begin making the changes in yourself that will bless them. It's not easy, but it's worth it!
Marsha and I have been married almost 17 years. The first couple were scary. I hurt her a lot at first; still do, occasionally. Then it took years to get to recovery. We've started to enjoy our differences, even our own weaknesses and each other's strengths. For me, the last 8-9 years has been wonderful, for her, maybe 3 years (just kidding). I couldn't have endured the last 4 years without her.
It isn't technique, or rules, or something unique about us that turned our relationship around...it was God. Because God is intimately involved in it with us, we have a real, fulfilling, loving, joyful marriage, and so can you. None of us can be self-sacrificing without Him. He is the One who fills the void in us all, making it possible for us to be complete. I believe you got this far because you want help in your relationship. Only God can make it work. Just click on help from God.
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