Once we realize the harm that pornography addiction can cause and face the fact we're suffering from this addiction, recovery is something we're willing to struggle through. This article, the last of three, is devoted to recovery from pornography addiction. If we think porn is harmless or that we don't have an addiction, these steps will seem pointless. But, if you know you have an addiction problem and are willing to work, this article will set you on a clear recovery path. For more information and detail, see these recent top-selling books about pornography and sexual addiction.
Addiction BAR Cycle explained in the previous article to understand why these steps work. In the BAR Cycle, Belief generates Action that brings Results which affect Belief, starting the cycle over again. If we want to change an addictive Cycle, we obviously can't change the Results without changing the Action. But, we can't just change our Action either. The late Dr. Alfred Adler said, "We can't consistently act in a way that is inconsistent with our belief." Any of us who has tried to just quit an addiction knows the good Dr. is right. The only way to consistently change our Action is to attack the Belief step of the Addiction BAR Cycle.
Accountability And Pornography: Accountability changes what we believe about pornography. We first find someone who will be a trusted, encouraging friend who is willing to help us quit. We tell all of our secrets to them. We commit to them we will not do this any more and to tell them if we slip up. This adds a Belief that viewing porn will result in the unpleasant emotion of having to tell your trusted friend that you broke your commitment. If you do slip up and tell your friend, it builds your Belief in yourself because you 'fessed up. Another good place to be accountable is an addition recovery forum.
Mental Reprogramming: Part of mental reprogramming, you've already done by reading these articles. The more you know about addiction the less power it has on you...building Belief in yourself. You can also engage in mental exercises to fight temptations whenever they come in. Find enjoyable thoughts (pictures of beautiful gardens, waterfalls, fishing trips, lightning storms, etc) to replace the tempting thoughts when they enter your mind. Every time a temptation enters, chase it out with a good positive thought. You can also use positive affirmations (I eat healthy food, I love my wife, I am a loyal friend, I am a productive worker, etc.) to build your belief in yourself. while this will seem uncomfortable at first, you'll discover yourself acting on these new Beliefs over time, further strengthening your belief. Also, the temptations to view pornography or think about it will become fewer and weaker over time. A caution about this one...don't use mental images of food or other things you can become addicted to.
Abstinence: Sexual abstinence is sometimes necessary if pornographic images come to mind during normal relations. The point, here is to starve your pornographic imagination of the drugs you've become addicted to.
Physical Therapy: To change your Belief you can redirect your mind to healthier ways for your body to produce the endorphins and adrenalin you've become addicted to. Strenuous exercise, aerobic exercise and competitive sports all provide a much healthier source of these chemicals. Mental exercises, from learning (anything) to solving puzzles or word games. You're right! Those people are addicted to crossword puzzles. Playing a musical instrument or singing can do the trick, too. By replacing pornography with positive, productive activity of any kind, you're supplying yourself with the physical drugs and building Belief in yourself to eliminate that void that started the addiction in the first place.
Esteem Building: In addition to the above, you can change that self Belief and fill that void by taking positive, unselfish actions. Why do you think my life is committed to helping others? It's so I won't fall back into killing myself with drugs, alcohol, sex and cigarettes. You can do it, too. Volunteer at your local retirement home. Go to work early and regularly do more than you're being paid for (be careful...this often results in promotion). Double tip! Buy candy from every Scout you see, and give it away. Be the first to give in, in an argument. Pick up trash along the road...whatever makes you feel good about yourself will give you strength to fight your temptation...it might even get you elected Major.
Finally, sometimes the void we feel is something we can't work our own way out of. It's a void that creates the strongest addictions. This is the void we feel when we aren't connected with our Creator. That Creator is God and he can fill the void and heal your addiction. If you want Him to fill that void, just click on Help Me God.
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