Most of us who suffer from compulsive shopping addiction (sometimes called spending addiction) are unaware of the problem. After all, everything around us seems to be saying, "Buy, buy, buy!" So...we do! We usually discover the problem only when we run out of money. Then, sadly, we think it's an income problem. I have a friend who's ex-wife is a compulsive shopping addict. When he would describe spending discussions they had, she would tell him that, if he made more money, there wouldn't be a problem. I guess his net income at that time was around $ 100,000 per year. Another friend of mine, 2 years after he sold his business for more than $ 5 million, asked me for advice on his wife's spending problem...she was spending like there was a bottomless pit of money. The problem isn't income...it's being out of control with the outgo. I don't want to give you the impression that only women suffer from this...I fight it in myself all the time. When I met my wife, she was saving and investing 50% of her net income and I was spending on credit cards as fast as I could accumulate them. Once, I bought a $ 300 gold chain because I was unhappy with my job. We addicts tend to spend money to compensate for areas in our lives where we are emotionally out of control or damaged. I'm sure the millionaire's wife felt neglected for all the years he was pursuing his business goals while she was left with their several children to manage. My other friend's ex-wife has serious emotional problems we won't detail here. I can track my out-of-control spending, even now, to times when I'm heavily stressed by my own schedule or family tragedies. Our problem is triggered by emotion and shows itself as spending but we have to understand the cause of compulsive shopping addiction in order to get a handle on the solution. Here are some recent top-selling books on compulsive shopping addiction that may help.
Since most people believe the problem is income, they mis-identify the cause as something outside of themselves; their job, boss, spouse, taxes, the creditors, prices, etc. This form of denial effectively blocks any kind of solution, locking us into an ever deepening problem. Though spending is usually the main symptom, and this, triggered by emotion, the cause goes much deeper. When we continue to pile up spending, the cause is usually rooted in the Spending Cycle: 1. We start with an emptiness, or negative self-esteem; a feeling of incompleteness. 2. Signals all around us tell us if we had some thing, we'd be seen as more important, successful, loveable, or complete, etc. The signals come from family, friends, co-workers, TV, radio, the Internet...anyone who has influence over us. 3. We spend to get that success feeling, sharing news of our shrewd acquisition with anyone who will say, "oooooooo." 4. When the bills come in we feel even more incomplete and powerless than before, starting the cycle all over again. Until we own the cause as something within us, we will never have a solution. The actual cause of compulsive shopping addiction, then, is that feeling of emptiness and low self-esteem. Solving this incompleteness is key to finding the solution to compulsive shopping addiction.
Once we finally identify the problem correctly, as something within us, we still run a big risk of seeking the wrong solution. Companies make $ Billions selling us false solutions to our spending problem. The first group of "solutions" I'll call "make-up." Because Debt Consolidation Loans, Refinancing, Cash Advances and more Credit Cards hide the blemishes but do nothing to heal them. The second group, we'll call "Plastic Surgery". Because Debt Management Services, Credit Counseling, etc. intervene in our financial lives and alter our spending situation, but still don't fix the problem. When they're gone, you're still faced with the addict in the mirror. Then there are the false solutions we sell ourselves, the things you do to replace your spending addiction with another addiction, like drinking, prescription drugs, food, etc. Instead, we need the kind of help that eliminates the Spending Cycle...the kind of help that gives us power, even miraculous power over the incompleteness at the root of our problem. This help can only come from God. The Debtor's Anonymous 12 Steps lead us to God as the only power over a spending addiction. is a book from Debtor's Anonymous that can provide hope. Just like alcoholism or any other serious addiction, we can't solve it ourselves because the problem is an emptiness within us. Until God fills that void, we are unable to solve the symptoms that the void causes. If you would like God's help, just click on God help me.
If you would like to participate in a survey about shopping then please click on the following: http://opinio.online.swin.edu.au/s?s=2059
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